Genesis - The Battle Of Epping Forest
[Taken from a news story concerning two rival gangs fighting over East-End Protection rights.]
Along the Forest Road
There's hundreds of cars, luxury cars
Each has got its load, of convertible bars, cutlery cars
SUPERSCARS!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
'cos they disagree on a gangland boundary.
They disagree on a gangland boundary.
There's Willy Wright and his boys
One helluva noise, that's Billy's boys!
With fully-fashioned mugs
That's Little John's thugs
The Barking Slugs
SUPERSMUGS!
For today is the day when they sort it out, sort it out,
Yes these Christian soldiers fight to protect the poor.
East end heroes got to score in...
The Battle of Epping Forest
Yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest right outside your door.
You ain't seen nothing like it
No, you ain't seen nothing like it
Not since the Civil War.
Coming over the hill are the boys of Bill,
And Johnny's lads stand very still.
With the thumpire's shout, they all start to clout
There's no guns in this gentleman's bout.
Georgie moves in on the outside left
With a chain flying round his head;
And Harold Demure, from Art Literature,
Nips up the nearest tree.
(Here come the cavalry!)
Amidst the battle roar,
Accountants keep the score: 10-4.
They've never been alone, after getting a radiophone.
The bluebells are ringing for Sweetmeal Sam, real ham,
handing out bread and jam just like any picnic, picnic, picnic, picnic.
It's 5-4 on William Wright;
He made his pile on Derby night.
When Billy was a kid
Walking the streets
The other kids hid - so they did!
And now, after working hard in security trade,
He's got it made.
The shops that need aid are those that haven't paid.
I do my double-show quick!
Said Mick the Prick, fresh out the nick.
I sell cheap holiday.
The minute they leave,
Then a visit I pay - and does it pay!
And his friend, Liquid Len by name,
Of Wine, Women and Wandsworth fame,
Said I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
I'm breaking the legs of the bastard that got me framed!
(got me framed)
They called me the Reverend when I entered the Church unstained.
My employers have changed but the name has remained.
It all began when I went on a tour
Hoping to find some furniture
I followed a sign saying "Beautiful Chest"
It led to a lady who showed me her best.
She was taken by surprise, when I quickly closed my eyes
So she rang the bell, and quick as hell, Bob the Nob came out on his job, to see what the trouble was.
"Louise, is the Reverend hard to please?"
"You're telling me!"
"Perhaps, sir, if it's not too late, we could interest you in our old-fashioned Staffordshire plate?"
Oh no, not me, I'm a man of repute
But the Devil caught hold of my soul, and a voice called out, "Shoot!"
To save my steeple, I visited people
For this I'd gone when I met Little John
His name came, and I understood
When the judge said "You're a robbing hood"
He told me of his strange foundation,
Conceived on sight of the Woodstock nation.
He had to hide his reputation.
When poor, 'twas salvation from door to door
But now, with a pin-up 'guru' every week,
It's 'Love, Peace and Truth Incorporated' for all who seek.
He employed me as a karma mechanic, with overall charms.
His hands were then fit to receive, receive alms.
That's why we're in
The Battle of Epping Forest,
Yes it's the Battle of Epping Forest,
Right outside your door.
'We guard your souls for peanuts'
'And we guard your shops and houses, for just a little more' - more!.
In with a left hook is the Bethnal Green Butcher,
But he's countered on the right by Mick's chain-gang fight
And Liquid Len, with his smashed bottle men, is lobbing Bob the Nob across the gob
With his kisser in a mess, Bob seems under stress,
But Jones the Jug hits Len right in the mug
And Harold Demure, who's still not quite sure, fires acorns from out of his sling.
(Here come the cavalry!)
Up, up above the crowd
Inside their Silver Cloud
"Done proud"
The bold and brazen brass,
Seen darkly through the glass.
The butler's got jam on his Rolls
Roy doles out the lot, with tea from a silver pot just like any picnic. Picnic. Picnic. Picnic.
Along the Forest Road
It's the end of the day and the Clouds roll away
Each has got its load
They'll come out for the count at the break-in of day
When the limos return for their final review
It's all thru'
All they can see is the morning goo.
There's no-one left alive
Must be draw.
So the Blackcap Barons toss a coin to settle the score.
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